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Sex Cannon Released

Falcons Just released the ol cumslinger.

It wasn’t because he wasn’t good enough. Nope.

Art Blank couldn’t handle the musty stench coming out of the locker room.  Well that and there is a strict no sex conduct policy in the locker room.

The Falcons code of conduct is in itself a conundrum for Rex and is why he could never work out with the Falcons. Anyways: Here’s how it went down ….


imgresArt: What the fuck is that smell?

(Walks down the hall and mutters quietly to self – It smells like a romp back in ’77 with those twins from studio 54…Art looks down the hall towards the locker room, then knocks on Kyle’s Shanahan’s open door)

How’s My new offensive coordinator? Do we have everything we need to have a great day?



Kyle: Good Morning Mr. Blank. Yes I just made the final cuts. I’m going to put it down on paper now.

Art: Great, tell me about it later.  Umm Kyle … do you smell that?

Kyle: (Holding breath) No sir, what?

Art: It must be me.  (walks away)

Kyle: -mutters to self, fucking RG3, shuts his door and sprays febreeze at the door- my Daddy told me not to bring him here-


 imgres      Woooo! FUCK YEA KYLE!!! (picks up spinning football)

I am so fucking glad to see you. I’ve been so bored back in Bloomington. Same poon everyday. Shit’s all bore’d out.  I was just about to stop cumslinging all together. This is no longer 210lbs of twisted steel and sex appeal. I’ve packed on a few extra pounds just sitting on the couch. I was really getting in a funk. You should know I am ready Kyle – I’m fully loaded –  (grins). I needed to get deep in some new ass. As soon as you got this job, I knew you’d call me! Kyle, Kyle! – have you seen these Falconettes down here? Shit I can not contain my self.

(Kyle looks at Rex’s groin region – it’s soaked…..Rex looks down and continues rambling on…)

I’ve been having so much penetrating fun this past week, I’ve already had a few of the future Rexettes come by the locker room. I’m not sure if they prefer this length or width – but if it was my guess it’s this depth….They love it deep down here in the dirty south. Atlanta is my style.

Kyle:  Rex don’t get carried away. This is just insurance for Matt. We’ve spent alot of time together and I know you know my terminology better than anybody.

Rex: Yes we’ve had some good times together back when I was the real RG3??? Remember Good Guys in DC? I can’t get that stench off of my fingers. But seriously, If DC thinks that is a real strip club its no wonder they traded the house for buckwheat.

Kyle: I’ve got really bad news.   We are going to have to let you go. We had to make the call and you just weren’t in the equation for 53.

Rex: Kyle, wtf bro.  6+9 does not equal 53. I don’t get the math Kyle. It equals 15. Fifteen is the number of burlesque queens from the Cheetah lounge that Sims and I had in the locker room last night. Now here is math that makes sense. 15 on 2. Here’s an equation for you.-  15 x 3 equals 45. Yea Kyle, How bout them apples? That’s 45 holes.  And they say you can’t get an education down in Florida.

Kyle: ….Yea about that….

Rex:  Listen Kyle I’ve got some things on my mind. No one wants to throw these lame ass slants to Julio or bitch outs to Roddy.

Kyle: ..yea so Re…

Rex interrupts: Will you Listen! I’m trying to tell you Devin Hester is fast. He’s really fast. He’s open deep every play

Kyle: Rex- see that is the problem. Every play isn’t de..

Rex interrupts: Kyle stooooop. Matt doesn’t have the gravity in his balls to lead Devin.  You have to be able to throw this shit long, hard and deep. Remember Chicago? I was the first to let the world know how deep Devin could go. He’s 5’4 and he went 54 yards deep. And seriously we have to talk, no dump offs here- come on Kyle, Freeman isn’t even a real back.

Kyle: Rex we are releasing you

Rex:  Oh yea -You know what?


(throws football 100mph at the back of Kyle’s monitor instantly exploding it sending plastic shards everywhere.)

sex cannon






Down to 75

A lot of big names or in some cases, big busts, were let go over the past 24 hours.




Yesterday the Bears dumped off a 2x pro bowler and superbowl champion in favor of what Tim Jennings was told, ‘they were going younger.’  It’s fine, he will pass go, head directly to Tampa and start for Lovie opposite another Bears cast off, Peanut TIllman.

(Madden 16 has a trophy you can win now called the ‘Peanut Punch.’ Love it)

This initially was intended to be a tribute to Lil Gangster – because he is a gangster on and off the field (convicted DUI on the way to parent/teacher conference). Unfortunately I ran out of time for the tribute. Jennings is a really sound cover 2 zone corner and unfortunately came off a personal low production year. I think that low production is a product of a system in which the Bears gave the opposition all day all day to throw.

I can’t tell if it’s a good decision or bad decision for the Bears, but I’ll tell you that Lovie is making a huge mistake. No, Lovie’s mistake isn’t picking up Lil Gangster or starting Punching Peanut – the mistake Lovie is going to make is to start a 3rd shunned ex bear, Chris Conte.

Conte is fucking terrible. Awful reads, blown assignments, extra soft, etc



Nice run Fred. What? Wait, he is out of a job too?

Fred Jackson is one of the most reliable consistent back in the league. Is he the flashy Ferrari in the garage? No.  But he’s still plenty fast and happy to run over everything without giving a shit about your grille.

This is a total dumb-dumb decision by Bills. It’s fine that Fred Jackson is not Lesean McCoy. But if you are a Bills fan, you are really going to miss the reliability of Fred Jackson after Shady goes down. It’s only a matter of time.

Trent Richardson – Well he actually just isn’t good, so it isn’t a big deal. He was a 1st round draft pick so it was worth the mention. With that said, why it is really news is because being released by Oakland is embarrassing. I would be salty if I was Trent.  I think at this point he has to look in the mirror and say ‘I’m done.’

Even saltier though – Browns fans -another wasted pick.

Ohh wait got another Browns gem next….

Phil Tayor – cut. Another first rounder. He was the last player on Cleveland’s roster of 5 picks given from Atlanta for Julio Jones. Another wise decision Cleveland.

Come back later – we will keep updating noteable releases as they come





At This Point, the Bears Have to Sign Wes Welker

Here is the Chicago Bears current #1 Receiver:


Oh you don’t recognize the face of Montana product, Marc Mariani?  My guess is you DO recognize the only thing Marc Mariani is known for:

Wrong!  It’s not his trophy wife… it’s this:

GROSS. How disgusting is that?  At one point in his life, this dude had his foot connected to the rest of his leg ONLY by the power of cotton. Yuck.

Any way, look at this shit show of a depth chart:

Bears Puke Chart at WR

Just wow.  Any time your selection of WRs makes the Raiders go, “dude, what the fuck is going on over there?” you know you’re in some serious ass trouble.

Don’t give me that look.  I get that they’ve been decimated by injuries, but that’s why you have to dig up the card board cut-out of Wes Welker, give him a couple of Mollys and let him run!


Looking at that picture and not smiling is like being on the 49ers and not raping or DUI-ing.

There are some guys that should be on the street in the next week or two currently on NFL rosters (Hakeem Nicks and Justin Hunter come to mind) that could help you, so I get it if that’s the route they want to take.  All jokes aside, the Life-Size Fat Head of Wes Welker (only $99!) at least presumably knows Adam Gase’s playbook and would be another option for an offense that still has some decent pieces left.  Besides, Jay Cutler needs all the fucking help he can get.


The idea for The No Fun League happened a long time ago.  It was sparked before there was Monday morning discussions of your fantasy week at the water cooler.

In The No Fun League, we must constantly deal with all sorts of bullshit. On a day to day basis it ranges from domestic arrests, exploding ACL’s, nights out with LaGarrette Blount, and the Commish’s unilateral absurd punishments.


For those of us whos lives revolve around The No Fun League – regularly trolling various websites and blogs for hilarious commentary and priceless gif’s has become the daily norm. One website above all was the most reliable and comically creative on a daily basis.

Then suddenly and quietly during this offseason, a void was created when the site experienced a hostile takeover, mostly due to political correctness and the almighty dollar.

With the pseudo shutdown of the aforementioned website, we here at The No Fun League didn’t know what to do with ourselves. After conferring at TNFL round table we decided we must pick up the baton after it was dropped- scratch that, thrown down- by a website who cared more about money than the daily endless funny shit in THE NO FUN LEAGUE.

We do want to be clear: The No Fun League was conceptually born on December 20th, 2003.

It was not a particularly cold night for December. Actually it was quite a fine evening for December. The kind of night you could hang out on the back deck, drink, and watch the game through the window.  But of interesting note – it was a Saturday night –

Wait, professional football on a Saturday night? Awesome right?  Why is there not a game on every Saturday night? I don’t know. Ask Lord Rog.  But anyways, we were not prepared for what would happen during this game.

During said game, you probably didn’t give a rats ass about either team playing. If you cared about this game in a pre-fantasy era – you were from New England or New York.  If you don’t remember, don’t worry.   And for those of you who were appropriately adhering to rule #228 of TNFL, you have a legitimate excuse.

Quick note: Rule #228 of TNFL- When a reporter is speaking or performing an interview – it is an official cue that you have 30 seconds to go take a piss or grab a cold one.

Geez, get to the point already: At the 1:30 mark in the second quarter, a sideline reporter began speaking to a piss ass drunk Broadway Joe. Hilarity ensues.  Because of this priceless sideline interview, the most comprehensive website for everything comical of and about the NFL was created.

To jog your memory. During the mentioned interview- Ol Joe Willie proceeded to make one of the most classic ‘advances’ on live TV. It was the kind of epically bad decision you’ve made in front of a bunch of co-workers while drunk as hell. ……….You remember? It was right after you downed seven Jager bombs in twenty minutes at the Christmas party. Then you decided to muster up the courage to go talk to Kristen from accounting. That moment of courage earned you a nice little trip down to HR.

All of the sudden, just like your job…Our favorite website was taken away.  No more RobotsFightingDinosaurs. No more Captain Caveman, no more Christmas Ape. All we were left with was The No Fun League.

I think it’s a worthwhile disclaimer to say:

This website,, would never have been made had it not been for striping away our favorite commentators.

We hope you enjoy whatever this is. We are working really hard to come up with great ideas that keep you coming back and keep you laughing harder than watching Tiger miss a two foot putt. What we can promise to you is that we will grind harder than Gruden.  We don’t have Herm at our side, but we will put forth our best effort. And if you don’t like it, you can let us know, we have less feelings than Peyton’s fingers or Geno’s face.

Hey- at least it’s not as bad as watching the Jaguars……

…….because your home team is blacked out.